2012 Offends Catholics, Dimwits, Ex-Cons
by Chris Kelly
The huge new disaster movie 2012 opens this Friday.
Everyone but HuffPost blogger John Cusack drowns,
but not before a statue of Jesus crumbles, a crack
opens in the Sistine Chapel roof -- right between
the fingers of God and Adam -- and St. Peter's
Basilica falls over on a lot of Italians. These
images have offended the usual people in the I'm
Offended Industry, but not for the reason you'd
The offense takers are offended because 2012
forgot to offend any Muslims.
Here's Greg Gutfeld, who used to be a HuffPost
blogger and now has a public access TV show:
But there was one thing missing among
He means "amid."
the carnage: an Islamic target...
In an interview, the director (Roland Emmerich)
said he hoped to destroy the Kaaba, an Islamic
holy site, but his fellow screenwriter Harald
Kloser persuaded him not to.
Here's what the hack had to say about crushing
"Well, I wanted to do that... but my co-writer
Harald said I will not have a fatwa on my head
because of a movie..."
Hollywood screws with Christians because Christians
don't behead people. But tweak Islam, and you
could end up like director Theo van Gogh --
dead on a street with a flag impaled on your
Not what "impaled" means. But a frightening
image, anyway. A man lying dead, with his chest
sticking through a flag.
If there's one thing Greg Gutfeld hates more
than anti-Christianity, it's hacks, with their
Bill Donohue, a divorced shakedown artist with
no professional ties to any church, frequently
appears on television as "president and CEO"
of the "Catholic League for Religious and
Civil Rights." He's also available for parties
and boycotts. He says:
Emmerich is more than a coward -- he is a liar
who has it out for Catholics. Last year, he
was quoted saying, "I would like to erase
all nations and religions." Not true. He
is quite content to live with Islam, even though
he readily admits it is a religion of terror...
Every time I say Hollywood hates Christianity,
especially Catholicism, my critics cringe. But
they never offer evidence that I'm wrong.
I'll bet that's not the only time Bill Donahue
gets the cringing thing.
I'm sorry Bill Donahue's having such a bad time
on Earth. Wait till he gets to Hell. Simonists
are ever less comfortable there.
In a column for The Christian Post, Chuck Colson,
an elderly jailbird, says the deeper problem with
2012 is that "Western culture might have
lost its faith, but folks have not lost their
anxieties." That's why we turn to "new-age
versions of these faiths." Like "the
environment" and "global warming."
And there you were, thinking the worst thing
about 2012 was going to be that Adam Lambert song.
They're missing the point, of course. The reason
Roland Emmerich chose Catholic icons to destroy
is out of respect for Catholicism. Because even
a guy who could ruin the Godzilla franchise knows
that Catholicism means real religion, and everything
else is sort of silly.
Chesterton asks us to imagine blaspheming Odin.
You can't. You'd just sound like a dope.
Or as Lenny Bruce said:
The only "The" religion, actually,
is Catholicism. I mean, as far as strength.
Paramhansa Yogananda's cute, but The Church,
Here's the really tasteful hidden imagery in
Oh fun. The plane's about to crash into those
And look over on the right. First there's the
Library Tower. (Or as George Bush, America's Greg
Gutfeld called it, "The Liberty Tower.")
It was destroyed by Ronald Emmerich in Independence
Day and was identified by the Kean Commission
as the fifth target on 9/11.
Now look at the building to the far right. The
earthquake is the least of its problems. See the
three explosions blowing out the windows of its
lower floors? Oh my God! It's being imploded by
a controlled demolition!