Porn Studio
Building Massive Underground Bunker to ‘Ride
Out the 2012 Apocalypse’
VAN NUYS, Calif. – Adult
entertainment studio Pink Visual announced today
that the company
has begun construction on an enormous underground
bunker in preparation for the widely-anticipated
global apocalypse that various prophetic sources
have predicted will take place in late 2012.
According to Pink Visual spokesman Quentin Boyer,
the bunker is envisioned as “far more
than a mere bomb shelter or subterranean survivalist
enclave,” adding that the company “intends
to ride out the 2012 apocalypse in style.”
“When we first began discussing this project,
our initial vision wasn’t particularly
ambitious,” Boyer said. “The idea
was to create a shelter capable of sustaining
only the Pink Visual staff and members of our
immediate families. Then we started to think
of all the performers, fans and business partners
that helped make Pink Visual the success it is
today, and we simply couldn’t bear the
thought of leaving all those wonderful people
behind to face the End of Days.”
While Pink Visual has declined to disclose the
location of the bunker for the moment, citing “security
concerns,” Boyer did relate a few details
concerning some unexpected amenities that the
shelter will feature, including multiple fully-stocked
bars, an enormous performing stage and sophisticated
content production studio.
“We’re not building this thing
just to eke out a few more months of a deprived,
downscaled existence,” Boyer said. “Our
goal is nothing less than to survive the apocalypse
to come in comfort and luxury, whether that
catastrophe takes the form of fireballs flung
Earthward by an all-seeing deity, extended
torrential rainfall, Biblical rapture, an earthquake-driven
mega-tsunami, radioactive flesh-eating zombies,
or some combination of the above. We also intend
to maintain our website update schedule throughout
the ordeal, even if those websites are only
available on the bunker’s self-contained
local network by that time.”
While Boyer conceded that building the bunker
is “obviously a major undertaking” he
said he remains confident that Pink Visual
will complete all major construction by September,
2012, and that the bunker will be fully operational
well before the end of the “Great Cycle” tracked
by the Mayan Calendar Stone.
“We need to allow time for extensive
quality control of our critical infrastructure,
and
the move-in process itself will be a logistical
challenge,” Boyer said. “We’re
very confident in our plan, and firm in our
belief that Pink Visual, as well as our fans,
friends and financiers, will survive and thrive
in the Post-Apocalyptic Era.”
Boyer said that the company is still “actively
and vigorously debating” the selection
criteria for all non-Pink Visual personnel
who will take refuge in the bunker, adding
that the selection process will “likely
include both merit-based and random selections,
with Pink Visual performers, active site members
and twitter followers getting priority over
the general public.” Before you ask, here's
Pink
Visual's Twitter.
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